Taking ownership and blaming ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. This is something almost everyone struggles with and I’ve never met someone who can do it with ease all the time (I am even referring to yogis or vipassana teachers).
This is an area I am personally trying to get better at. Here are my biggest impediments:
- It doesn’t feel ‘fair’. I always encounter people who don’t take ownership when they should (either intentionally or unintentionally), so when I do take ownership, I feel it's unjust. I feel I am putting in the effort, being responsible and subduing my ego when others aren’t. In a way, it feels like I am being taken advantage of and the less enlightened me feels I need to stand up for myself to support self-respect.
- It requires a lot more thinking and rationalising to see my fault, as compared to just assuming the fault is someone else’s. I have to imagine what it’s like in the other person’s shoes, what their insecurities could be and therefore, determine whether their reaction is reasonable.
One thing that helps me is to ALWAYS remember there’s something I’ve done that contributed to the problem and likewise, I have the power to resolve it (whether that be physically or perceptually).
Another thing is understanding that no one is ever evil. We’re all the same and if put in the same situation (with the same upbringing, history and insecurities etc.) we would act in the same way. I really believe this and even though you may not, it’s advantageous to at least try to believe it.